From Senpai to Kōhai: Navigating Valentine's Day in Japan

You know what I love about Valentine’s Day? The fact that in America, we’ve gaslit women so much that they no longer care about it. It’s so easy now for a girl to think you’re putting in “effort” when all you do is buy a card for Valentine’s Day and tell her that she’s “the only girl you’re seeing” (even though you just boned her best friend).

At the end of the day, we really don’t give a shit about Valentine’s Day. Over in Japan it’s a whole different story. Not only do they celebrate Valentine’s Day, they also celebrate White Day (No, the day isn’t a celebration of white pride. Get over it skinhead). Since this is Japan, of course they have complicated rituals and social bullshit that goes along with these holidays.

Maybe the fact the Japanese actually care about this stuff makes me think they’re endearing. Even their romantic songs are way cooler than our shit. 

Japan is based and epic, so they follow traditional gender stereotypes and don’t allow troons and ratkings to run around their streets. If you’re some butch woman I hope you’re prepared to never touch a dick in your life. Same if you’re some limp wristed effeminate man who wants his girlfriend to fix his car for him. Get a GRIP.

So, because of the fact these people care so much about their gender roles (and how society views them), they’ve decided that Valentine’s Day is the day when women have to bring gifts for men. That’s right - the WOMAN actually has to do shit. Not like how in America your wife will give you some half-hearted blowjob that feels like a chainsaw due to the amount of teeth used. (then complains after three minutes that her jaw is sore). Instead, the Japanese women give you:

CHOCOLATE

That’s right. If they’re “sweet” on you, they’ll bring you chocolate. If you get store-bought junk garbage that usually means the girl is friendzoning you. Tough shit pal. I’ve never been friend-zoned. All the women in my life make me chocolate from home. 

This is called “giri-choco”. Basically, it’s chocolate given to men by women who are just friends with them. Maybe even just work colleagues. You see, this chocolate is an “obligation” - like how girls in middle school were forced to make all the ugly smelly guys in their class homemade cards. That’s basically giri-choco.

The good news about Valentine’s Day in Japan is that it’s pretty obvious when a girl is into you or not. None of this bullshit where they pussyfoot around their feelings. Now, we all know that Japanese girls are pretty shy (until they’re in the bedroom) - so how can you tell?

As I mentioned earlier, if you get store-bought chocolate that usually means she views you as a friend. No sucky sucky for you later. You just get a variety of cheap chocolate, but hey - it’s better than what us white bastards get on Valentine’s Day from girls who are just our friends (sexual assault complaints).

If a girl actually likes you, they’ll take the time to MAKE the sweets for you. That’s how you can tell. This is called “Honmei-choco”, which basically means “from the heart” or “desire”. Essentially, it’s you saying that this chocolate comes from the heart and that you actually have “true feelings” for the person, which means you don’t just want to have awkward sex in the back of a tiny Japanese car.

Like most guys, you probably want everything easy. Can’t work for shit. Half of you don’t even have a real job. You work at factories or building houses - which rich Chinese people just purchase and fill full of Pakistani immigrants. A real man sits on the computer and works hard writing articles. Ever heard the phrase “time to learn to code?” - well it’s your time to learn how to code losers. And in this case, coding means “romancing”. 

If you’ve been paying attention to my articles, you’d realize that everything I do is for the betterment of men and women finding love. I’m a true romantic, that’s why I always ask for permission before I lick ass. Oh, what’s that? You’ve never licked ass? I bet you’ve never even seen ass. 

So, when a girl actually wants you (I suppose romantically, but the Japanese have a lot of sex anyways) they’ll make you homemade treats. By the way, I know all the women working at the JapanJunky headquarters are making me homemade chocolate. They’ll be fighting over me pretty soon. 

Oh, you’re sadly mistaken little retard. If you think that a woman has to do all the work in a relationship, that means you’re a weak bitch. If you think you can’t “return the favor”, you’re sorely mistaken.

Don’t worry. Women know most men are retarded sacks of flesh who can’t actually make anything. They don’t expect you to actually make them chocolate. This goes back to the “traditional” gender roles in Japan. The woman bakes, makes chocolate - whatever. The man has to go out and buy chocolate, flowers, gifts, etc.

So, the women show their love by doing “household” activities, whereas the men show their love by exchanging currency (time) for products (pleasure) to give to their partners (intercourse). It’s very nice to see that even in Japan, guys pretty much get away with murder.

So, why is it called White Day? Well like I mentioned earlier, the Japanese aren’t celebrating white people even though we dropped nuclear bombs on them and killed hundreds of thousands of children. It’s called white day because all of these gifts are “white”. So the chocolate has to be white, the flowers are white, the gifts are white - etc. That’s why it’s called that. Very obvious, right?

So, do men give all girls gifts on White Day? This is a day where you reciprocate gifts. In a way, it’s actually the total opposite of the rape culture in Japan. In this, women give gifts to men they’re interested in - which is them initiating a romantic relationship. In return, the man gives back a gift. 

So, if your coworker gave you some basic chocolates from a store - you return the favor and bring her some cheap white chocolates. If your partner made you homemade chocolate, you should drop $10,000 USD on some diamond rings. After all, you’re a real man. You shouldn’t do anything else besides buy your pin cushion some nice jewelry to show off to her vapid ingrate friends.

I hate that all of these other stupid articles claim it’s for “friends”. Really, white day isn’t about that. You can tell all of these articles are written by stupid Filipinos who can barely string together a coherent sentence. In what universe do grown adults give their friends chocolate for Valentine’s Day? 

No guy is going to go buy gifts for some ugly girl. If you look like your face has been beaten repeatedly by a 2x4, I highly doubt any guy is going to reciprocate and give you anything besides a swift punch to the face to fix your messed up gremlin teeth. 

This day is meant to be the “answer” to Valentine’s Day gifts. As a man I can tell you this (for the three women reading this article), you can tell if a man actually cares based on the effort he expends. If you bake him a cake, and he returns the gift by not edgemaxxing to you - is he truly the man you want? 

At the end of the day, the Japanese are not about individuality like us. They want conformity. They want people to go with the grain, not against it. By doing all of this stuff, they essentially make it so socially autistic retards like you cannot function in their society. “But what gift am I supposed to get her?” Gee retard, I don’t know - maybe sit down and think about what she gave YOU.

The Japanese culture is actually very simple to understand, and not as complex as mouth-breathing troglodytes like to make it out to be. All you have to do in Japan is not stand out. Is that so hard to understand? Just follow their rituals and they’ll know you can do what you are told. Buy the chocolates for your coworkers - otherwise, you’ll look like a white monkey freak who can’t follow simple cultural instructions.

Also, don’t be some creepy weirdo and buy women gifts unprompted for White Day. The whole point is it’s meant to be a reciprocating holiday. Yes, it’s true. Most women are gift whores who don’t care what you give them (some of them don’t even care if you give them dead parents for Valentine’s Day).

Ritualism is big in Japan, but it’s the same in America. It’s just that in America and the West-at-Large, we just tolerate these total spastics being out and about with us. Like your coworker who constantly masturbates in his cubicle - you can’t really do anything about it. You just silently judge them and try to get them fired.

Most Redditors and internet “scientists” who are nothing more than virgins have no concept of how people have sex. They think that data actually shows sexual activity rates. Due to the fact they have a declining population all of these neckbeards immediately think that means nobody is having sex.

That’s because these people live inside of a virtual world and haven’t experienced daylight in several years. Guess what - people don’t have sex the majority of the time to have children. Most people have sex to experience pleasure, blow off some steam, WHATEVER. Obviously, these man children can only imagine sex as something their parents do out of duty not love.

Almost every single young Japanese person has a body count in the hundreds. If you thought fat white women had a large body count, you’d be shocked at these little shy Japanese girls. They might cover their mouths when they laugh in Japan, but they’re letting you do all sorts of experimental Bhutanese sex moves on them.

At the end of the day, you need to understand the difference between “Valentine’s Day” and “White Day”. Don’t make a fool out of yourself in Japan, because all Asian people know each other and they’ll spread your bad habits to one another really fast. Never forget the main rule though.

DISREGARD WHAT OTHER PEOPLE SAY. DO WHAT YOU WANT.