Hygiene (Don't Stink)
The number one complaint that Japanese women have for gaijin is how bad you smell. If you want a Japanese girlfriend, you’re going to have to wash DEEPLY. You can’t jump in the shower and let the water hit your rolls, you need to scrub and wash in order to truly impress the ladies.
Japanese girlfriends are used to Japanese boyfriends not having body odor - so you cannot smell like BO every time you see her. In Japan it might be hard for you to find public showers, so be sure to always shower in the morning.
Japanese girlfriends DO NOT LIKE FACIAL HAIR. You must shave your neckbeard if you’re going to Japan. They like smooth faces, which will highlight your sharp jawline (or your triple chins). It’s recommended that you shave twice a week - maybe even three times if you grow facial hair quickly.
Make sure you bring razors and a lot of razor blades. Japanese men have a hard time growing their facial hair, so it might be difficult for you to find the perfect razor and blade for you. Good quality razor blades are VERY expensive over in Japan, whereas in America it’s super cheap. Don’t worry if anyone questions why you have a bunch of razor blades, the Japanese police are well known for being just and not insane.
Japanese Girlfriends love Western Chivalry
Japanese women are not used to how chivalrous Western men can be, but they most certainly enjoy it! In fact, many Japanese women were surveyed on this and they said the number one quality that foreign men have is how polite they are. So be sure to tip your fedora and bow as they pass by you - otherwise, they may be put off by your foul stench and lack of manners.
Unfortunately for you, chivalry extends beyond simply holding a door. Eating properly, being a gentleman, and dressing well are all elements of manners you most likely do not follow. Simply being “nice” is not having proper manners. If you take good care of yourself, then your Japanese girlfriend will know you will take care of her!
Act very lovey-dovey, and do not have an air of politeness to you. Act like a “gentleman romantic” and you will have no problem keeping your Japanese girlfriend - or potentially attracting one.
Do not be assertive and pushy about things. You need to understand that you’re a guest in their country, and you shouldn’t be super aggressive. That is a massive red flag for a potential Japanese girlfriend. Whereas over here in Western nations we are used to women wanting a man who is “assertive”, over in Japan they simply view it as rude.
So, don’t act like Tate or whatever newest woman-beating “guru” has entered into the internet space. Just be normal, polite, courteous, and understanding. Like a proper medieval knight (minus all the killing, kidnapping, and other crimes).
Dress Well (Don't look American)
Japanese people have an awful sense of fashion - they frequently have jarring colors that clash with their clothing. It makes me sick. As a Westerner (most likely American), your sense of fashion is equally as bad if not worse. Therefore, you must elevate your sense of style so that Japanese girlfriends flock to you.
If you dress like a slob, with greasy stains on your shirt and skid marks on your underwear - you will NOT get a Japanese girlfriend! Instead, you should follow all the modern sense of style you’d see at a local Parisian cafe. All of the “Westernized” Japanese girls LOVE those long coats and berets. Your athletic shorts and tennis shoes make you look homeless in Japan. Stop wearing that garbage and spend a couple hundred dollars on a proper outfit if you want to attract a cute Japanese girlfriend - otherwise, you might get a fake Japanese girlfriend who is actually Chinese.
No, do not wear a beret. Berets are for women (this is why I’m here to help you). Style your hair, and wear nice sunglasses out in public. Make sure you wear light cologne, which will help your Japanese girlfriend identify your scent in public (similar to a bloodhound).
Dating Apps are for Chumps!
You will not find a Japanese girlfriend on dating apps. Japanese women are very shy, so all they post on dating apps is food. Instead of wasting your time on these apps, go out in public and actually meet people. While Japanese people are shy online, once they’re done work and out drinking with colleagues they definitely loosen up.
However, you must always be chivalrous. Japanese women are used to a lot of Western guys being insane creep freakazoids to them. Instead of drooling when you see a girl out in public and rushing to ask her if she’s seen the live-action version of One Piece - be polite and don’t be overly publicly sexual towards her.
Small talk and approaching people randomly is a strong Western concept, especially American (Canada and the United States). Instead, try to get involved in social group outings in your area. Eventually, you’ll find a girl that you connect with. Furthermore, do not chase after every single girl you see. Be selective. Women talk - and they’ll tell their friends when you try to ask them out. Once they realize you’ve asked out all of their friends, they’ll realize you’re some loser from back home.
You don’t need to always focus on one girl. It’s not good to put all your eggs in one basket for your Japanese girlfriend - keep your options open. While they are a conservative people, they won’t consider you their “boyfriend” until you actually make it official. Do not give off creepy weirdo vibes, constantly stalking them and asking about their day. Have a cooling-off period of one to three days. During your off time, you can always talk to other people you know.
If a girl is into you, she will be texting you CONSTANTLY. They reek of desperation. If a girl is not into you, they won’t talk to you for a while. Take the hint and find another girl - don’t chase after some idolized version of a Japanese girlfriend who doesn’t exist.
Understand some Japanese (OBVIOUSLY)
Very obvious, I know. Due to the shy nature of the Japanese people, a lot of them believe their English skills are very bad and will have a hard time talking to you about “romance” in a language that is not their native. While I’m not suggesting you become fluent in Japanese (that’s way too hard, even harder than washing out the skid marks from your underwear), you should have some conversational-level Japanese under your belt.
If you have a hard time understanding what people are saying around you, some Japanese stud might be trying to flirt with your Japanese girlfriend - and now she thinks you’re a loser for not defending her honor. Make sure you brush up on your Japanese skills before heading to Japan.
The benefit of having a Japanese girlfriend is that she will help you with your Japanese - and you will help her with her English skills. That is how a loving relationship always starts, with a Teacher - Student dynamic. Well, not in the weird power imbalance way where this Japanese girl is only with you because you can teach her English - but because you both mutually respect and love one another. You definitely do NOT want your Japanese girlfriend using you for her language skills, after all you’re not using her for anything…right?
That is my simple five step guide on how to get a Japanese girlfriend! It is completely foolproof. Actually, it probably extends to all women - since no woman wants a smelly creepy freak who isn’t chivalrous. Maybe we should stop fetishizing Japanese women. Oh, who am I kidding! Let’s just pretend that Japanese women are from another planet. Actually, I’m guessing most of you haven’t talked to a Western woman anyways. Regardless, if you go to Japan simply follow these steps and within a month you’ll have a Japanese girlfriend.