Kanpai, Kampai, Cheers! - The Legal Drinking Age in Japan

Based on how much the Japanese love to drink, you’d think that they’re all drunks. In fact, right now while you’re reading this article there are many salarymen laying down on the streets with vomit all over their basic suits. By the way, why do these creepy fat white guys act like animated manga characters when they go to Japan? 

The Japanese have strict rules over “law and order”. If you break their laws, you will face heavy repercussions. It also helps that the Japanese are incredibly racist (which we all should be), so if you’re a foreign piece of shit (Johnny Somali) you’ll be thrown in prison and forced to be the new butt-slave for the local Yakuza crime boss (Doesn’t matter if it’s five inches).

The legal drinking age in Japan is 20. When you reach 20, you’re now considered a “full Adult”. You see, because Japanese people eat a healthy diet most of them live until they’re ninety. That means that in their culture, you mature “slower”. So if you want to bang an 18-year-old in Japan, you’re 100% a pedophile (I don’t care about their Age of Consent Laws).

When you’re 20, the Japanese government claims that you’re now responsible enough to actually handle yourself while you drink. Considering the Japanese suck back Sake like Drake sucks Thai ladyboy dick (I saw that happen with my own eyes).

So, “legally” you must be 20 or older to purchase and consume alcohol in Japan. Unfortunately, the Japanese are not accustomed to people breaking the law. Gee, I wonder why. Maybe it’s because their country is full of Japanese people, and not Somalian “refugees” who were rapists and pirates.

Anyways, most Japanese people don’t give a shit about this law. They just buy liquor when they’re 18. They don’t even card you over there. Is that much of a surprise, considering you could legally have sex with a 16-year-old in Japan? So you legally cannot drink alcohol, but you can let a Dutch expat lick your ass like a fruit rollup.

Japanese people are slow. They think that the world is full of people who are polite and honorable. WRONG. Most people are scumbags that rape kids for magic powers. So they don’t even bother carding you because they assume you’d feel great “shame” in breaking the law. 

That’s probably also why they don’t care about kids being diddled at such a young age. They assume it’ll all be “above board” (NEWSFLASH PEDOPHILES - YOU SHOULDN’T HARNESS THEIR KID ENERGY). In Japan, you’ll see stores that don’t even have shop attendants. That’s how much they trust people.

Imagine if you saw a store like down on the south side of Chicago. I’m pretty sure it’d be looted within fifteen minutes. Little dindus riding away in their stolen G Wagons full of your store's equipment and food. 

It’s all about “honor”. You know, only 70 years ago these Japanese people were cutting themselves in half instead of facing dishonor. I’m pretty sure they still kill themselves a lot over feeling cultural shame. That’s why getting gash is so easy over there. Just guilt trip one of those cute little Asians into slobbing you down, and if it’s between your dick and a katana they’ll pick your dick 8/10 times.

Public drinking is encouraged in Japan. In fact, it’s even celebrated. Nothing is better than being drunk, wandering around the streets of Tokyo screaming at white people, and then passing out in a bush. By the way, nobody will steal your shit if you pass out in public. Unless more “Johnny Somalis” come to Japan (unfortunately, it looks like their Government is opening up the floodgates on mass rapist immigration) - so just be aware that in a couple of years, you won’t be able to do that.

You see, everyone is a drunken piece of shit over in Japan. Life is so sad and depressing, that these salarymen are all permanently intoxicated. In Japan, seeing a drunken salaryman with pissed-stained slacks is pretty much the norm. 

As a foreigner, you should walk around drunk and act SUPER obnoxious. Just walk up to Japanese people and ask them if you can taste their “sushi roll”. That should make them warm up to you. Most Japanese people are incredibly receptive to drunken retarded foreigners. 

So yeah, drinking in public is totally fine. Drive drunk too - but only if you want to be thrown in a Japanese prison and spend a night with Johnny Somali.

It’s the best drinking culture in the world. I love the idea of forcing my little slaves (employees) to drink with me after work on their own time. Furthermore, I love the fact that if people say “no” to going out to get drinks I can pretty much fire them for being retarded buzzkills who shouldn’t even have a job. 

You see, it’s expected of coworkers to go out drinking. It’s actually an awesome idea. I think all of you Amazon wage slaves should be forced to do the same thing. Imagine if you all got to go out and drink with your manager. That’d be so fun. Then when they come onto you (and you can’t say no), you get to experience workplace rape.

Most of you retards imagine yourselves as the employees. Why do you do that? You basically settle for mediocrity. You see you should think you’re gonna be the “boss”, with a bunch of pretty girls surrounded around you (out of fear of losing their employment). That’s why Japan rocks.

It’s totally normal to bring your date out on picnics. Over in North America, the idea of bringing a girl out on a romantic picnic is laughable. Why would you bring some cock gobbling gremlin out on a fancy date in public? Half the guys looking at her probably stroked their hog to her on OnlyFans. Add alcohol to the mix and you have a recipe for disaster (especially because public violence is frowned upon).

The Japanese are still conservative, so getting wasted in a public park and acting annoying is still seen as okay. A lot of Japanese men and women will go on super cute dates under cherry blossom trees, and have some liquor. No going to some dive Applebees. You take your girlfriend (or compensated dating companion) out on REAL DATES.

This is called “Hanami”. Basically, it means enjoying flowers. Mainly, it means enjoying the cherry blossom tree. All across Japan in the springtime, those in romantic relationships will flock to the cherry blossom trees. ISN’T THAT SO CUTE? Well, newsflash - IT ISN’T! Imagine a massive party going until the late evening hours, with full-blown orgies happening under cherry blossom trees. Actually, now that I wrote that - it is actually awesome.

At the end of the day though, I know YOU won’t like it. It involves going outside and seeing the sun. You’d rather take your “date” (prostitute) out to an arcade (pedophile) or Uber them to your apartment so they can see your fungus-infected dick. DISGUSTING!

Shochu has been described as the “vodka of Japan” by neckbearded losers who don’t understand alcohol because their only knowledge of drinking comes from TV shows. Shochu is much more special than that. The only similarity is that they’re made from potatoes, but apart from that shochu is better than vodka (because it’s more expensive to import and is Japanese). Additionally, shochu is actually less strong than Vodka (which makes it better to drink out in public in binge drinking fests).

If you do buy Shochu, don’t mix it with anything. Mixing alcohol with things makes you gay. Are you a gay little boy, or are you a strong masculine man? If you want to be a masculine man (like me), you need to drink shochu on the rocks. No you mongoloid, “on the rocks” doesn’t mean drinking things filtered through rocks (what the hell are you, some Yuppie?) It means drinking it with only ice.

Other things important to note about Shochu are the complicated rituals surrounding it. You see, if you pour some shochu into a Captain America mug you’ll be seen as a massive retard. You need a Shochu glass. Other people get to drink before you do (if you’re hosting, which you probably are since I doubt anyone wants to invite you over), and saying your gratitudes before drinking.

Sake is the other “cultural” drink of Japan that all of us Westerners know. “GIVE ME THE SAKE NOW!” Is one of my go-to phrases in Japan. I just scream it at everyone and usually, they do their polite Japanese smile and laugh and try to get the hell away from me before I assault them. Sake is a more “spiritual” drink as the Japanese offer it to their “Gods” (They worship brooms, no I’m not kidding - I’ll explain in a later article).

Sake is lighter and more fruity than Shochu. For that reason, it’s the best drink to use to get a Japanese girl to take off her panties. That’s why all of us white devils love yelling “SAKE!” when we go out. I’m just kidding - just use gin for that. Really, I think Sake is just a wine. I think wine is incredibly gay to drink when out and about unless you’re sucking back Girl’s Night Out Wine.

Drinking is a time-honored tradition in Japan. They drink a lot. They love to get drunk in public and have rituals involving the consumption of their liquor. Is that any different over in America? I mean, would you drink whiskey out of a funny cup? I doubt it - unless you’re a drunk. If you’re a drunk you just drink straight from the bottle. If you’re an infantile loser you might drink your whiskey out of a sippy cup.